Monday, June 21, 2010

Here's to Hoping

On Thursday, Josh and I had a little date night. We were going to go to dinner and a movie, but we ended up sitting in the Olive Garden parking lot for two hours just talking. At one point, I just went off on him. He has been getting upset with me because I am having a difficult time giving my all into our marriage and trying to make it work. He just couldn't seem to understand why I couldn't completely commit 100% like the flip of a switch. For those of you who know a little bit about these first three years of marriage, you can understand. But he was blind to it. I had had enough. For about thirty minutes, I did my best to open his eyes to the horrible husband and horrible father he has been...I know that sounds harsh but it is true...if you don't know my situation and would like to, I can go into a bit more detail so you can understand a little better, but I won't unless asked to.

Anyway, I cried basically the whole time just telling him how hard it has been on me and how I have felt the last three years and that he just needs to be a bit more patient with me before I am going to believe he is in it for the long haul this time. After he proves himself to me, because my trust in him is a bit shaky to say the least, then it will be a lot easier to want to make our marriage work. But my little rant apparently is what he needed. Things have been so much better for both of us. We have even been enjoying each others' company *gasp*.

I just hope things continue to get better...and I really am trying.