Tuesday, June 29, 2010

I am losing my mind...

Things were going so well. I think I am just burnt out.

Josh went up in front of the church on Sunday to join the congregation and he is going to start helping out with the music ministry. We will be getting more involved in church, which is what I have wanted for a long time, and I am really hoping this will help me get closer in my walk with God. I have started listening to all of my Christian cds that I haven't listened to in a while and I had forgotten how much I love them.

But this lack of sleep is making everything so elevated and I am just really starting to feel overwhelmed. I'm slipping. My mind is fading away. I can see it sliding down a slippery slope never to return.

And on top of everything, Tyler will not be coming home this weekend. His 1st Sgt wouldn't let him take his final PT test (to see if he graduates on Thursday or not) until he passes a diagnostic test. So now we don't even know when he will be home. He wants to quit and by this point, I don't even blame him. All of the stuff he has had to endure these last few months have made him question if he even wants an Army life after all. He has always wanted to be a history teacher and I'm sure if he decides not to finish AIT that he will start going back to school to earn a degree and teach history. He would make an amazing teacher. I wish he would just finish AIT and get it done because I don't want him to regret giving up, but we just want him home. It is, of course, his decision and we will support him regardless of what he decides. But that is just one more thing to bring me down.

Haha...yeah. He is going through all of this crap and I turn it around to something about me. How selfish do I sound right now? Ugh! I just need a break. Mom is keeping Gabriel on Friday night so I can hopefully get some sleep. I don't care what time I wake up Saturday morning, I'm not getting out of bed until at least noon. I just want some sleep!!!

Things are going a lot better with Josh but I have just been in a mood for a few days that I basically just want him to leave me alone. I want everyone to leave me alone. I just want peace and quiet and rest...yeah, definitely selfish, but I can't help it right now. The fact that I have had a headache basically every day like I used to a long time ago isn't helping either.

I was watching Spongebob Squarepants with Gabriel earlier and in one of the episodes Mr. Krabs says, "Three cheers for feeling sorry for ourselves!" and he, Squidward, Spongebob, Patrick and Sandy all just up and down and cheer, "Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray!" And that is what I am feeling now.


  1. I'm sorry you are in a "funk" right now - I've been through funky periods too. I'll email you about them sometime. lol Just try to get some sleep and hopefully that will help out a lot. When all else fails - turn things over to God. We can't do or change things by ourselves, even if we think we can. :)

    I know things are tough on Tyler right now too - but don't worry, he isn't the only one. Troy hates AIT, well everyone with him hates it - and they are only half way through. They won't be finished until September. Tyler is a tough guy - and he can do it. :) All you can do is be supportive. We have the be given the role of being our soldiers "rock." As hard as it is we have to stay strong for their benefit. :)

  2. Yeah, I am trying to turn everything over to God but that is easier said than done haha. I know everyone gets into a funk at times I just wish mine would go away for a few days. I am really hoping I can get some sleep on Friday night while Mom and Dad have the munchkin.

    Tyler calmed down during the day and decided he didn't want to quit. He passed his diagnostic today and we are hoping that means he can take his final PT test on Tuesday and be home next weekend. We are keeping our fingers crossed.